2005-02-17 - 7:55 p.m.
Lightning bolt, part deux
So, the man I was so enamored with, the one I couldn’t sleep over? Has a girlfriend. Of course he does. How could a man that handsome and fantastic ever be single? I did not hear this from him; rather, I was listening to an archived interview he did a month ago on our local NPR station. In it, he mentions a girlfriend. BAH.
The reactions to this are mixed. There’s my reaction, which is “ohmyg-dIamsobummedhe’ssofantasticandi’llbealoneforevvvvvvvver!” Then there’s the reaction of some others, which is, “That was a whole month ago! Things might have changed since then.” Then there have been a couple, “Well, maybe he does, be he seemed to like you, so maybe…” And, of course, “He didn’t tell YOU he had a girlfriend.” And there’s always, “Eh, next time. Plenty of fish in the sea.”
I don’t know. On one hand, I don’t know if I want to put myself in the position of wishing. On the other, my G-d. I felt something. And certain parts of our interaction (especially the handshake and the “you know, I live in New York”) made me think he felt something too. But I could be kidding myself. I don’t know.
But here’s the plan. I will send him a card. Once I finish his book, which is actually quite good, I will send him a card to tell him I liked it and that I enjoyed talking to him and here’s my phone number and email address. Can’t hurt, right? Trouble is, I will be sending that card via his agent, and who knows when he’ll get it?
The major issue here is that I don’t want to sit back and do nothing. For once in my life, I want to take a risk—a calculated one, but a risk all the same. This man appeared for a reason, and I want to see what happens, which could be nothing. Now, I don’t want to be a bunny boiler either, so I have to be careful, but I’m beyond playing it cool. The temptation to track him down even further is there, but I won’t give in to that.
It just scares me that I can feel a bolt like that, as an adult, with an adult, and it means absolutely nothing to the other person. When I was younger (like, high school and most of college), I used to think I could read the mind of the person I wanted or was with, and it was always, “I know he feels it too!” Now that I’m a little older, I think that’s such bullshit. I mean, chemistry is something mutual that you kind of know, definitely. But “We’re so CONNECTED! It’s like he KNOWS MY SOUL!”? I think that’s crap. And I don’t feel like this every day. Usually it’s more, “Hmm, I like him, I want to get in his pants.” With this man, there was no thought to it. I just knew something. I have absolutely no recollection of the five minutes following our conversation.
If nothing else, it’s nice to know that I can feel that way. Maybe if nothing happens with this one, I can take that to the next one. Lightning does strike after all, I guess.
