2005-01-01 - 10:41 a.m.
Happy New Year
It’s been ages since I posted, I know, but hey—it’s New Year’s Day, and I guess I should. I have a lot on my mind, so this is a nice outlet anyway!
2005 has not started well. It’s only been 10 hours, but… eh. I hope this is not an indication of things to come. I’ve been up since 7:30, since I had a raging, massive, post-alcohol headache. I decided to just get up, and I made myself coffee and breakfast (Italian turkey sausages and a cream cheese omelette—yummy), put a pillow on the couch and put Gone With the Wind in the DVD player. My roommate did not come home last night, so it’s been a pleasant, quiet morning. I will probably go back to sleep (ha! I wish), shower and see a movie later today, unless I decide to get together with my friend Eric, whom I neglected last night, sadly. I feel kinda bad about that, but it’s partly his fault, because I tried to reach him ALL DAY Thursday and he never returned my calls.
Yeah. So, that’s how I ended the year, scrambling to make plans. You see, the guy I had been seeing for almost three months decided to go to Washington, DC for New Year’s. Instead of staying in with me and having the New Year’s sex, which had been the plan. The trouble is, I get it. I understand why he went. I understand that he wanted to be with his best friend, and his friend’s parents offered him a ride so the trip was free, and he needed to get away. But FUCKIN’ A, it was NEW YEAR’S EVE. I had been saying that if we didn’t spend NYE together, then I’d break up with him. (I never told him that, of course.) So I did. Except he doesn’t know it yet. I’m sure he’s figured it out, but damn. I mean, come the fuck on. Yes, I realize I sound like a callous bitch, but the thing is, this is not the first time he has flaked on me. I had a little Chanukah gathering a few weeks ago, and he’d promised to come and even to bake brownies, and then when I reminded him about it he told me he had to go somewhere with his parents. And Christmas Day, after I’d been saying for a week that we would do Chinese and a movie together, he called to tell me he was going out with his parents and would see me later (which he did, but no Chinese was involved, and the movie was a DVD). He also said to me on Thursday that he was sorry and he cared about how I felt because I was his “friend”. His FRIEND. I don’t fuck my friends unless there’s a clear discussion about it, and I don’t date my friends. And I was dating him. And I refuse to waste any more time with a guy who is SO CLEARLY not that into me, and if he is, then he has a horrible way of showing it.
Still, it sucks. Because I’m lonelier than I like to admit. And I wanted to cuddle with someone on New Year’s Day, which is something I have never done in all of my 26 years. And that’s very sad. So I’m very sad. I’m sad that I had to dump someone, I’m sad that I’ll no longer have someone to call for brunch, and I’m sad that no one will be kissing me anymore. Even though the kissing wasn’t that great and the sex was just… meh. Even though I know there will be other guys.
So yesterday, my awesome friend Glinda put up with my waffling and invited me to hang with her and her brother and sister and her sister’s friends. And it was awesome. We ate a bit and drank A LOT, and I was exhausted and had to leave right after the ball dropped, but I still had a good time. She rules.
I got home at about 1:45. I would have been home earlier, but some drunk asshole passed out on the subway and the train had to wait for EMS. I had some nice chitchat with a sweet couple and their two sons, who were so well-behaved and polite and nice, they gave me hope for the future. Then I woke up and started the day. I’ll try to call Eric later (must give other people the opportunity to sleep, even if I’m a freak who can’t sleep when she’s drunk) and make some plans. I have to work tomorrow and Monday. Then, on Tuesday, I’m going to FLORIDA. For EIGHT DAYS. Thank heavens.
I need Florida. Work is destroying me. My body, particularly. My knees are shot to hell, my hand hurts from handling books, my feet ache. My nails were a mess until I got a manicure yesterday, and my cuticles are horrible because I keep picking at them. My feet look good now, though, because I spent way too much freakin’ money on a pedicure. Bah. And my hair looks great, because I got it cut and blow-dried, but the silly boy didn’t get a chance to see it.
2004 was a crazy year. I was depressed twice—first over school and my life, then over my PSYCHO HOSEBEAST cousin. I got a master’s degree. I had a great internship, then I had to leave it. I’m still looking for a job. I found a part-time gig. I moved twice. I increased the number of the guys I slept with by 200% (still not a lot, but that’s something, eh?). I made some great friends in New York, and one of them left, and I miss her. And I learned a lot.
I hope 2005 will be promising, but G-d help me, I won’t get my hopes too high.
