2004-09-08 - 7:27 a.m.
Is rain a good omen or a bad one?
It’s 7:20 on a Wednesday morning, and I’m awake. And writing. This means that I have time to write this AND shower AND get dressed, so you know this 7:20 shit is Not Good. I’ve been up since 6. I have two interviews and a date today, and possibly a chorus audition. I’m a victim of my own head.
I knew sleeping would be tough last night, so I got into bed at 10:45. I’m pretty sure I managed to be asleep by 11:45, and I had dreams, but they were not good ones. I woke up a little before 6 with a headache, and I fought with myself for a bit before I got my ass out of bed and took some pills. Then, of course, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I tried everything (and yes, EVERYTHING), but then I just decided to get up.
And it’s POURING. I should count my blessings, I know. It’s not Hurricane Frances, and this isn’t Florida, and nothing will blow away or get destroyed. But this is a nasty, driving, flooding rain, and I have TWO INTERVIEWS AND A DATE TODAY. I don’t want it to rain! Waaaaaaah!
So, yeah, I’m nervous. About the date, not so much. He suggested a cool wine/tapas bar on the East Side, so I’m psyched for that. And we’re not meeting until 8, so I have time to come home, change and (hopefully) catch a short nap. It’s the interview I’m nervous about, especially now. This is a critical day. This is ROUND THREE. I am so excited that I made it to round three, but it could all be over after today and I could be back to square one, jobless and frustrated. Hell, that’s probably how it will end up.
I am not used to this. When I got my job before grad school, I was right out of college. I was the first and only person they interviewed for my position. I knew I had it. This time, the stakes are higher. I’m more experienced, I have a master’s, and this is what I want to do. This is not an “I’ll take anything” time in my life. This is a “I want something RIGHT” time, and thank goodness I can afford to do that, but I won’t be able to for much longer. Sigh. This sucks. And the more I get worked up about it, the worse off I am. All I know is that I have to go in there remembering a few things: I’m smart, I’m qualified, I’m capable of making a first impression, and I’m good at what I do. And I just have to show up and show that to these people.
And, hopefully, I’ll be dry, too.
