2003-09-16 - 11:59 p.m.
Mundane suckage
I’ve been having a DAY. You know, one of those where nothing is going right and you want to just crawl under the covers and stay there? Yeah, one of those. Today isn’t so bad, though. Yesterday sucked.
I still don’t have a job. I’m waiting to hear from the bookstore, because that’s where I REALLY want to work, but I can’t wait anymore, so I have to really start looking this week. It’s not the money, really. It’s mostly the laziness and the boredom and the lack of productivity. I know, I know, cry you a river. But it sucks. Oh, and I do need money. I really don’t want to deplete my savings this year, even though that’s the way things are turning out. It’s nice to know I’m not broke, but the lack of actual income (as opposed to pure outcome) is disheartening.
I’m working on being more productive. Tomorrow I’m starting work on an independent research project. That’s another thing that’s been bugging me. There isn’t much research to be done here, so I kind of need to take some initiative. I’ve been very lucky, though, in that Mr. Big Shot Pop Culture Professor seems to like me and respect me, and he’s made himself very available to me for mentoring. I haven’t told him about this project, but it’s just something to keep my brain active. I haven’t decided what I’ll be doing, or even what the final product will be, but I’ll figure that out in due time.
M and I will not be having sex anymore. I know I’ve said that before, but this time, sadly, it’s done. We haven’t discussed it. I know how busy he’s been, and I know he’s interested (he said as much last week), but when I stopped by his house this Sunday, unexpectedly, and nothing happened… Well, I kind of got closure on it. I don’t think it will be happening. If he calls, fine. But he won’t, and I’m going to stop bugging him about it.
In other news… I am the treasurer of my school’s master’s association. By default. Wooo! Go me! Actually, it should be a lot of fun, and I’m pretty excited for it.
Then there’s my body. Ugh. My horrible, flabby, gassy body. My body that has decided to stop cooperating. I diet. I try not to overfeed it. I walk it back and forth to campus twice a day. I do sit-ups for it. I lift weights. I rest it. Yet it does not respond. I had to wear my fat jeans today, which I haven’t worn in several months. By the time I got back home after class they had, of course, slipped further down on my ass than I would have liked, but it wasn’t much consolation. I don’t know what it is. Probably the lack of dance class and all the drinking. I have decided to cut out dinner carbs (maybe the brown rice was bloating me) and I will try to make better choices when I go out. That’s all I can do, I guess.
Maybe I’m pregnant and I don’t know it. Gee. Wouldn’t that be swell.
Anyway. That’s the news for now. Not exciting. Somewhat depressing. But hopefully things will look up. Soon.
