2003-09-09 - 10:32 a.m.
Life gets in the way sometimes, doesn't it?
There’s been a lot going on lately, but mostly little things. I guess that’s why I haven’t updated in a bit. Oh, well.
My skin is clearing up. This is a very, very good thing. At the moment, I am not wearing makeup. Again, good thing. I’m using products made for pre-teens, but hey, whatever works.
My pants fit again. This is also good. They don’t fit as well as I’d like them to, but it will take time. I have given up beer altogether. I have not, however, given up vodka and tequila, which is probably why I got SERIOUSLY hungover on Sunday after KJ’s birthday party. That was a fun night until I couldn’t walk properly and Photo Guy had to drive me home, which meant I left my car at KJ’s. Feh. However, I don’t really want to discuss the dieting thing. I’m really, really tired of everyone talking all dieting all the time. The occasional talk of carbs is OK, and the congratulations for the lost pounds is OK, but for fuck’s sake, people, keep it brief. All this talk of size and food is depressing. I eat salad every day for lunch. I don’t want to talk about it all the time! Let’s discuss things like music or movies or friend drama or sex. That would be a nice change.
M and I have not seen each other privately since before break. I thought he wasn’t interested, and that kind of sucked. Then I called him last week because I had a brief freakout, and he talked me through it. He felt bad that he was going out that night to shoot, but he checked on me and that was sweet. Then I saw him on Thursday at the bar, and lo and behold, I got public hugs. Not pubic hugs, dumbass. Public. He hugged me in front of everyone, and it was long and sweet and cheek-to-cheek. Hmm. Poor guy is now sick with a cold, and I gave him chicken soup and cold medication. I hope he gets better soon, because I could use some cuddling.
The need for cuddling stems from the Next Big Step in my life. I am applying for a PhD. This is exciting, sure, but it’s also terrifying. I can’t believe I have to do this AGAIN, because I feel like I just did it yesterday. It’s also weird. This is my life. This is the rest of my life. Do I really want it? Am I sure? Are there other options? But what it all boils down to is choices. If I want the choice, I need to apply now. And I need to apply EVERYWHERE. And I need to re-take my GRE, because my prof wants me to get my scores up about 20 points. Feh. That, I think, is the worst part of it.
However. I have decided not to sweat. Northwestern doesn’t post its application until October anyway, so I have decided to tackle all of this in October and worry about other things now, like my current schooling and my current grades. And my weight. And my skin. And my sex life, which is stagnant at the moment. And the cute boy in my pop culture class, who also happens to be Canadian and Jewish.
Wish me luck.
