2003-07-22 - 6:00 p.m.
Bastards in academia
Well, things kind of suck again. This time, it’s definitely not good, but it might not be as bad as I think right now.
I applied for a TA position. A few days ago, I was completely confident that I would get it. Then I had a run-in with a professor. This guy made it quite clear that he doesn’t like me; he thinks I need to calm down, and he doesn’t find me funny. Fine. Whatever. But he’s in charge of the teaching assistants for the department.
I didn’t think it was so bad until Photo Guy told me that this professor had text-messaged him (they’re old friends), saying I was “high-strung”. I am high-strung. I admit it. I know this about myself. I don’t always think it’s a negative, it just is. But this prof definitely thought it was a negative. I was kind of ticked that he would text Photo Guy about this, but I didn’t mention it then. We all had a laugh over some messages regarding the type of cookies the prof likes.
I walked by his office yesterday. I decided to stop and say high, so I said, “Walnut chocolate chip, eh?” and he replied by telling me that he “hate[s] that shit” and that my classmates don’t seem to be taking him seriously, etc. He basically accused me of plotting to bribe him for a TA position. With cookies.
I was totally taken aback by that. I didn’t know what to say. I was trying to be pleasant, maybe funny, and he fucking blew up at me. How the hell was I supposed to take that? I was shocked that someone would accuse me of something that I didn’t do and had no intention of doing. I hate being accused of being insincere. I also don’t like being lumped with my classmates like that, and I said so—“You know how seriously I take this.” His reply? “Oh, yeah, I do,” with an expression that made it clear that my “seriousness” was stupid and overdone, somehow. Schmuck.
Then, last night, he came over. Photo Guy had invited people over for a movie, so I walked next door. The prof was there. And he started up again. He made it pretty plain that he doesn’t like me and that my hesitation around the equipment is stupid. Basically, he made me feel like an idiot who should never be a TA. I left early, and I spent about an hour crying my eyes out. I felt like I shot myself in the foot. I might got get that position because he just doesn’t like me. Unbelievable.
So I talked to my TA today, who knows how much I want the position. He told me not to worry, and that I should feel OK going over the prof’s head if I don’t get the job and I think it’s because of him. He also said that this prof has issues with dealing with people outside of class (I’m big on the separation of relationship) and that—get this—he’s a PhD STUDENT, so he’s basically A PEER. A fucking PEER! He’s power-tripping, and I don’t like it. My TA was very understanding, especially when I burst into tears in front of him. Nice guy.
So, that’s the deal. I’m still really upset, but it’s much better now. I guess we’ll see when the interviews happen.
I fucking hate academic politics.
