2003-07-18 - 12:20 p.m.
Hiatus
So, basically, life has started to suck. Majorly. The suckage should be over soon, but it still sucks at the moment. I hope I look back on this in a few days and laugh at my own stupidity, but for now I’m just going to feel sorry for myself.
The day didn’t start out that way. Last night, I went out for some AMAZING barbecue with Photo Guy and my new friend KJ and some other folks. I ate a huge plate of Texas beef brisket and fries, and I washed it all down with a nice IPA. Then we went to Friendly’s for ice cream. Iiiiiiiiiiiice Creeeeeeeeeeam. Soooooo good. I had a great time. The food was awesome, the company was great. M couldn’t make it, but he did tell me over the phone that he was saving up his energy for tonight. Wooo!
But then, this morning, I decided to take a break from chat.
I won’t go into the details. I’m not asking for people to email me and beg me to come back. Seriously, so please don’t do it. I’m embarrassed about something I didn’t even know I did. I’m not going to criticize anyone or anything—I’m just taking a break.
I don’t get it. I don’t understand why people can’t just address problems with each other. That’s what private messaging is for, right? Apparently not. I don’t like being told by a third party that I’ve bothered someone or hurt someone’s feelings. It makes me feel shitty.
I feel shitty.
I feel horrible. I hadn’t cried that much in a long time. I cried because someone doesn’t like something I said. I cried because someone couldn’t say it to me, for whatever reason. I cried because I let someone down. I cried because I am embarrassed to be in the one place where I feel free to express myself.
So I’m taking a break. It won’t be for long. Knowing me, I’ll give this up tomorrow. But it stings, and I’m not going to forget it anytime soon. I’m caught between an age-old battle: “No one can tell me what to say!” vs. “Wow, I need to be more sensitive.” So I’m taking the wimpy way out and staying away.
I’ll look on the bright side, though—maybe it will give me more time to update.
