2003-07-03 - 8:11 a.m.
These dreams
I had a really strange dream about the Piano Man. It was so incredibly, unbelievably vivid… I have no idea why I, all of a sudden, had a dream about my ex-boyfriend who I’ve barely thought about seriously in months. But there it was.
I was at work, apparently filling in for the new person. I saw him coming up the stairs, but I ignored him, thinking he must be there to see someone else. Then he spotted me and he hugged me, and he asked if we could talk. As it turned out, he’d been emailing my boss about something to do with music and memorization and diction (don’t ask—I don’t know either), and he had put two and two together and he found me. I pointed out that I no longer worked there, and he said that was OK, he figured he’d try his luck anyway, so there he was. OK, then. How was I? Well, I had just started grad school, thanks, and I was really happy. How was he? He and “Kelly” had gotten engaged after knowing each other for three weeks.
“Kelly?” I asked. “Who’s that?”
“Oh, you didn’t know? Well, she’s my girlfriend.”
“Oh, congratulations,” I said, even though I was wondering why he was getting married so soon and why he’d jumped into it, especially since he was the most immature, commitment-phobic guy I’d ever known. “When’s the wedding?”
“Next week. And I’m having doubts.”
WOW. It was so weird. He had come to ME to sort out his relationship issues. Weird.
“You’re getting married next week? How long have you known her, again?”
“11 months.” Which, of course, meant that he’d started seeing her about a month after we broke up.
“So you met some girl, then asked her to marry you—presumably on your birthday—and now you’re getting married and you’re having DOUBTS? Why get married if you have doubts like that?”
And on it went. I talked to him about priorities, about the band and his music versus a wife and, eventually, kids at home. About how he didn’t even have a place, but he was going to get married and spend the rest of his life with some woman he barely knew. He sighed a lot and said that I sounded just like the singer in his band, and I mentioned how I always liked her and I thought she was right. I went into a whole long lecture about how he needs to put something first, and he ought to worry about his dreams before he went around making commitments like marriage.
I was still talking when I glanced at my watch. 6 pm. Time to leave work. I looked up, and he was gone. Vanished.
How bizarre. I don’t know what this means. Is he really getting married? Maybe. Does it matter? Not really. One of the things that dream said to me is that I’m removed. Sure, there was a bit of a clutch at my heart, but I didn’t cry. I just sat there rationally, as a friend would, and tried to talk him out of making a mistake with some girl he barely knew.
I think I’ve officially moved on.
