2003-06-12 - 8:17 a.m.
The horse ain't always a different color
I had a really interesting conversation about race and minority last night. I don’t like to lump myself with “minorities”; I mean, Jews are members of a minority, but when I think of minorities I think of Blacks and Asians and Latinos—people who are obviously, physically “different”.
But I am different too. I’m not “white”. I’m not white according to American whiteness. In America, white people celebrate Christmas and don’t eat kishka or kugel or gefilte fish. White people speak English that isn’t peppered with terms from an amalgamated language from the “Old Country”. White people have boring, unexciting families. In that way, I am not “white”.
But I look white. I mean, I am WHITE. People look at me, and it’s not exactly obvious that I’m different. I have brown curly hair and blue eyes. My nose is big, but it’s not HUGE. I don’t wear a Star of David outside of my shirt very often, so unless I say something, people are not going to know that I’m “other”, that I don’t buy Christmas ornaments at Target the way they do, that I don’t eat pork and that I pray in an ancient language written with a different alphabet.
Sometimes I remind them. Often, actually. I am not ashamed of my Judaism. Not at all. It’s the one facet of my being in which I am absolutely, 100% secure. I have never questioned my identity. I have always been proud to be Jewish, and I have always been proud to be A JEW. It’s not the religion that makes me different, it’s the nation and the history and the culture. When people make comments around me, I usually speak up (it’s a rare thing), but I also have the ability to completely dismiss them, because I have no time in my life for ignorance.
This conversation started out of a kind of solidarity; I was having the discussion with someone who is also a minority, but of an entirely different minority, a visible and obvious one. I often feel a little embarrassed around people who are visibly different when discussing minority, because my “difference” isn’t so obvious. I would not, for instance, and I do not, claim that I understand the plight of the Black man simply because I am a member of an historically oppressed and often vilified group. But this person I was having the discussion with made me realize that sometimes our plights are indeed similar. She made the point that she didn’t recognize her own separateness until she was in grad school, despite the fact that she looked different than her white classmates. That’s the crux of it, really; for me, I am other not because of physical difference, but because of cultural and historical difference. In other words, it’s a state of mind.
I was talking to a woman at work a few weeks ago, and we started talking about how members of minorities tend to cling to each other sometimes. I told her that I am drawn to other Jews because we share many common bonds, including that of our separation from “white American” society. She didn’t get it. In fact, she thought it was cruel. I tried to explain it to her, and she still didn’t get it. She was raised as a white Protestant woman, and she was taught inclusion. She told me if I had nothing to do on Christmas Day, she would invite me to her house. She didn’t get it when I told her I probably wouldn’t go, or if I did, I’d go for an hour and go home. She didn’t get that being alone (i.e., not with my family) on Christmas Day was not an issue for me, even though she knows I’m Jewish. And even more bizarre than the lack of comprehension, she couldn’t accept it. That kind of lack of understanding boggles my mind.
I’ve been blessed in that I haven’t encountered anti-Semitism very often. I probably don’t notice it so much, because I am naïve enough to believe that most people wouldn’t say such things to or around strangers. But my most recent encounter with anti-Semitism made me wonder if my hackles are raised higher than others’, or if people who aren’t members of minorities just can’t see what I see. I was at lunch with some co-workers. One of them, an immature ass anyway, made a comment about our CEO being cheap because he’s a Jew. I stared at him, and in front of EVERYONE in that restaurant, I screamed at his sorry ass. People told me to ignore it. I was horrified. I was so angry I started shaking, and if I hadn’t driven people there I would have left right away. I walked off to get some air, still shaking with rage. I almost reported him to Human Resources. I should have. He was out of line and disgusting.
But the worst part of that incident was when my friends said things like, “Just ignore him. He always says stuff like that. He’s doing it to make you mad.” What is this, MIDDLE SCHOOL??? How could you people not understand that what he said was wrong and horrible? How could he possibly think that such a statement was OK? “Oh, he’s just being stupid.” And none of you CARE? You actually LIKE having friends like this?????
And that’s what this conversation was about last night. This girl and I were annoyed at something someone else said, and no one else said anything about it. Is it that people just don’t see because they don’t have the triggers that minorities do, or is it that they just don’t care? I was taught the Quaker creed, “There is that of G-d in everyone,” and it’s in me to stand up when I hear someone making a racist comment. I’ve done it to my own stepfather. Is that indignation in everyone, or just in people who aren’t part of the mainstream? Does the majority give a shit, or is it just ignorant? Or does it simply not see?
There are a lot of generalities here, and for that I apologize. It’s not true of everyone, obviously. I know plenty of “white” people who would do the same as I would, and who appreciate all differences, because everyone’s different somehow. But I’m afraid that I’m about to be thrust out into a world where people with that kind of understanding is, well, a minority. And that’s an idea I just can’t comprehend.
* * *
My body is playing tricks on me. It’s just past 8 am, and I’ve been up for over an hour. Well over an hour. It’s been like this all week. I’m supposed to be a lady of leisure!!!!
I need a nap.
