2003-05-21 - 6:51 p.m.
Rainy days and Wednesdays....
It’s fucking raining. No, it’s POURING. And I have cramps. Three days ago, I was on a boat in Tampa Bay soaking up the sun and drinking Strongbow. Now I am stuck in a cubicle twiddling my damn thumbs. Life sucks sometimes.
I also just got the pictures from the boat. Quite possibly the worst pics of me EVER. I look fat, my hair is bad, my face is all scrunchy and my posture is awful. Blech.
My birthday is in ten days. I will be 25. I usually look forward to my birthdays, but this one? Meh. I don’t know. I have to do a concert on this birthday, which sucks, and I don’t have any desire to plan a party or an outing, and some of my “friends” (who I don’t even like these days, but whatever) decided to get a group together to see Shakespeare in the Park the day after my birthday, so I can’t make plans for that day either. I don’t want to go to Shakespeare in the Park. I don’t like Shakespeare in the Park. They’re doing Hamlet. Why the fuck do people always do Hamlet, or Romeo and Juliet, or A Midsummer Night’s Dream when they would be better off with Love’s Labour’s Lost or Measure for Measure (my personal favorite)? So I’m opting out. Maybe I’ll call someone else, someone I actually LIKE, and spend the day doing something for me.
Still, it kinda sucks.
But anyway. I also gave notice last week, so I’m dealing with the fallout from that. Every couple of hours or so, I get a panicky feeling that I’m LEAVING and how scary that is, but between those panic moments I get incredibly bored and restless. I want to leave NOW. I want to spend my days at home watching bad TV and chatting online. Soon enough, I know. But still. It’s a terrible limbo to be in. And I just got back from a meeting with HR. I went on for over an hour about what I do and what kind of person they need, blah, blah, and it just felt so weird. I was in this odd place between "I'm so fabulous and you can't replace me" and "I suck", then there's the whole "I TOTALLY LOVE THIS JOB!" and "This job is a soul-sucking black hole out of which one must be wrenched before one falls into the abyss." Tough. I feel really, really sorry for the recruiter guy.
I also still need to get laid. I tried in Florida, I really did, but to no avail. Last night on chat someone said something REALLY sexy, and I almost lost it. It was so subtle, too. I want the Visitor to come back so I can jump him, but then I like him too much for that. He’s single again, though. And still hot.
I’m not a big fan of limbo. Too much anticipation and analysis is not good for me. The first four letters in “analysis” spell “anal”, which is what analysis makes me. I’d like to just up and quit, then spend a few weeks at home not thinking, then land in Syracuse ready to get my MA. As it stands right now, I just want to withdraw from the world and stay under the covers for a few days so I don’t have to take care of anything.
Soon enough, I know. Soon enough. One month until I move. 39 days until classes start. Two more Wednesdays at work, three Fridays. Almost home free.
And happy fucking birthday in between.
