2003-05-02 - 6:34 p.m.
Friendly fire
I’m going out tomorrow night. I’m looking forward to it, but I’m not. It’s all weird and mixed-up.
A bunch of girlfriends and I are going to see one of my favorite comedians at the Improv. I’m SO excited for that, it’s unbelievable; last year, she was supposed to be there on my birthday, so I bought tickets 6 weeks in advance and treated everyone, then the Improv called and said she cancelled and what would I like to do, etc. I was disappointed. We went anyway, had an OK time. I treated. This year, I bought the tickets 3 weeks in advance, and she didn’t cancelled, and I’m all psyched and stuff.
It’s the people that are bugging me. Last night, as soon as 3WA chat went back up, I was on it, chatting like a maniac. Sort of. I miss chat when it’s not around. It’s almost an addiction, but I do honestly like most of the people. I’ve made some pretty good friends in the last couple of months, too, and these people make me realize one extremely important thing: I’m sick of my friends. Well, not all of them, but most of them. The girl I was closest to here? I hardly want to talk to her anymore. She’s negative, she’s crude, she’s defensive and insensitive and she has really awful teeth, and being around her has been a chore.
OK, so maybe it’s just the one friend. I don’t know. Things are rocky, and I just don’t have the desire to stay in it. Which is fine, because I’m leaving anyway, but honestly? I don’t care. I’ll miss K, absolutely, and probably my newest friend, with whom I watch American Idol every week (she’s coming tomorrow, which will be cool). There are a couple of other people I might stay in touch with, but for the most part, I don’t really care. Is that horrible? I’m thinking not—friendships end all the time, for various reasons.
One of the biggest reasons I have no desire to be friends with that one girl is her attitude about school. She applied to law school last year, and she only applied to the very best. This is fine, but in my opinion, you have to be realistic about it, as in, “Well, I want to go to the best, and if I don’t get in, well, them’s the breaks.” Sure, it hurts, but you have to accept it and move on. She was SO convinced that she would get in that it was pretty nasty when she didn’t. It even started before that—I offered to critique her essay, because I’m a “neutral party”, and when she took me up on it she basically shot down everything I said. It was not a good essay. I pointed out certain things that would fix it, like easier transitions, and spelling and grammar mistakes. She huffed at me. Fine. Fuck you. Then she didn’t get in, and her attitude was, “It’s the schools, it’s not me, how could they not want me?” Whatever.
So she applied again this year. And she didn’t get in. And when I got into Syracuse, she barely congratulated me. She didn’t, really. And I’m leaving. And so are some of our other friends and acquaintances. And for once, this girl is realizing that she’s not better than everyone else. Honestly, I have a real problem with people who think that their economics degree from a state school is better than my theater arts degree from a private school simply because my degree is liberal arts and my school was private. Fuck you. I have no delusions that my degree is “better” than anyone else’s, it’s just what I chose. I was fortunate to go to the school I went to, and it’s a damn good school, and that doesn’t discount that yours was a good school too, so stop fucking defending yourself.
Oh, and if you like the Midwest so much, and you insist that it’s better than everything on the East Coast, then please go back there.
So. Whew. Rant over. This is why I’m not looking forward to tomorrow night. But I will sit back and enjoy my comedian and try to remember that I’m leaving, which means I can start over and not have to worry so much about spending time with people I don’t like simply because they’re there.
Man. I’m a BITCH.
