2003-04-25 - 6:51 p.m.
Movin' on, part 2
Every two months, I put together a newsletter for our performers. I edit the articles and do the layout for it, then I add clipart and prettiness, and I stand at the copier for about two hours so I can get 20 copies out to each of our units. It’s generally a drag to do, but of all the draggy parts of my job, it’s my favorite. It’s mindless and it makes the time go by, and I get to hear about all of their exploits. I also write a brief “Letter from the Editor” in each issue.
I was doing that today when it kind of hit me. I’m leaving. Yeah, I’ve known about this forever, and I’m pretty happy that I’m leaving and all that, but I will miss a lot of people, mostly the ones on the show end of the business.
I used to love, love, love my job, especially the show part. I became friendly with the show staffs, and I adore them. I grumble a lot, but when I go to a show, my face lights up and I get all excited and proud. That’s my work, I say. You see that performer? He’s a sweetheart. That kind of thing. I love it. So I was writing this column and trying to say something sweet and profound to tell them all how much I appreciate them and how much I’m going to miss them.
It all feels so cryptic to me. I mean, no one knows that I’m leaving. I don’t want to make it obvious in this column, but I do want people to re-read it after I’m gone and say, “Wow, that’s really sweet, and now I see why she wrote it when she did.” I want them to miss me too, and appreciate me. I mean, I know they appreciate me—the show staffs are always thanking me and reminding me that I help them out a lot, even though my boss never says the same thing. They’re always asking why they don’t see me more often and why I never come out to the shows when my boss does, and why I never travel, etc. Sometimes they’ll call about something, and we’ll solve it or discuss it, then we’ll have a long, chatty conversation. They’re all great.
Someone else is going to take my place. I wonder how I’ll be remembered. If the new person sucks, then I’ll probably be revered. If he or she is fantastically wonderful, then people will find fault with me after I’ve gone. I guess I can’t worry about that now.
What I am concerned about is the whole, “How do I say goodbye to these people without seeing them?” It just feels... awful. I have trouble saying goodbye anyway, so this is supposed to be great, but I also like the smile and the hug and the “take care of yourself, good luck”, etc. that comes with saying goodbye and moving on to greener pastures. Instead, I’m going to have an email with “It’s been great, here’s my email address, see you all when the show’s in Central NY!” Blech. It’s like summer camp without the tears and the autograph book.
On a different note, I’m taking a bold step in my Road Toward Goddess-dom. I’m going to take a step with the Visitor. Maybe get him to visit again. I want to touch him. I want to finish what we started. Wish me luck.
